A Possible Medical Explanation?

If you are familiar with Lily's story, then you know that there was no medical explanation for her death. And that I trust God is greater than medical explanations. I firmly trust and hold to knowing that if Lily were meant to be here growing up in this world... she would be. God is sovereign and good and in control.

That doesn't mean there couldn't be some sort of medical reasoning for what happened.

Something was brought back to the forefront of my attention this week. A woman reached out on Instagram and said the following: "I just happened to read your heartbreaking story. I'm sure you've been told to test for everything as if you haven't done that already, but reading that there was no answer for the loss of your beautiful daughter just wasn't good enough. I've suffered 2 miscarriages and because of their loss I learned that I have a blood disorder called Factor Five Leiden, which can cause miscarriage and stillbirth. It can go undetected your whole life. I didn't know until it was too late. Bless your sweet Lily."

I've heard before in infant loss groups I'm apart of online that women have had losses because of a blood clotting disorder, and I'd made a mental note to get tested. Because they didn't find anything wrong with me or Lily, from her autopsy, and because I am not in the place in life to have another baby, it hasn't been a pressing matter. But I know if and when I ever do get married and we are ready to have a baby, that I want to get all the possible testing done.

Erin Bates (from the big Bates family with 19 kids in Tennessee - love them!) had 2 miscarriages and then discovered about this clotting disorder she has. Another friend whose had 2 miscarriages also recently learned this about herself too. I know there are shots that can be self-administered daily for the duration of pregnancy to help keep mom and baby healthy.

I'm honestly not sure if it would bring more hurt or relief to have some sort of answer. I can hardly fathom how if I did have a clotting disorder, that Lily would make it all the way to her due date! It would be a relief to be able to catch this if there is something going on with me that needs to be treated with medication, but it would be heartbreaking that it's too late to save Lily... that I somehow couldn't have found this out before my precious baby girl dying so soon. Nothing can bring her back, but knowing what's going on with my body could potentially help bring a crying wide-eyed baby home to stay.

I pray that God will lead me in this and direct me as to what medical tests to have administered and I trust He will give me wisdom. I wanted to share this as well for other mothers who've lost babies, to possibly look into getting tested. If you've had a late-term loss and have a blood clotting disorder and are willing to share your experience, please reach out.