Her Things

A post from a couple months ago I never published...

I have never sold or given away any of the things that were intended for Lily.  I couldn't get rid of these things, even if they are taking up valuable space that could be used for other items. I know some people think the logical thing to do would be to sell them or give them to someone who could actually get some use out of them. I want to explain why it's not that simple...

Lily obviously didn't get to use most of the things we got for her, except for wearing two outfits, one at the hospital that is now in her memory chest, and the one she was buried in. Even still, these things were meant for her, and therefore they are extremely special to me. They are sacred items that remind me of my motherhood and her realness. They remind me of the joy that was felt when picking them out for her.

My mom was recently wanting to let someone borrow or have these things of Lily's. I'm sorry if it sounds selfish, but I just couldn't do it. The thing is, if they were truly in need, I would... but they aren't. And those are my Lily's things. To other people they may just be things, but to me they are much more. They were her things.  They are a symbol of her life.

Not only that, but they are a symbol of my hope for the future. It took me a long time to even have the desire to use those things one day for my own future baby, let alone someone else's. There are certain things that are too closely tied to Lily that I would never want to use. But there are other things that I will want to use for my future children. How special it will be knowing my hoped-for sons and daughters will be using the things that belonged to their big sister. It is a way for them to be connected to her. And the thing is, I don't want the things to somehow get lost, mistakenly given away, or damaged just by every-day use. I want them to still be in good condition for my babies.