Ain't Even Grey, but She Buries Her Baby

Over the past couple days, I have been reading through tears the precious words in the guest book from Lily Katherine's Celebration of Life Services, which were 5 years ago yesterday evening and this morning.

Each entry has different handwriting, representing Lily's uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents, great-uncles, great-aunts, great-grandparents, and friends... all people who share their forever love for her and their support within the pages of this sacred book. They express how they will always miss her, how she has impacted their life, how they wish they could have met her, and how they have the hope of one day seeing her.

Oh how I will always cherish these tender and heartfelt words to my beautiful baby girl. I wonder how often these people think of her now. I hope they do. I can't bare the thought of them not caring about her anymore.

This is part of what my Uncle Time wrote in the guest book: "God uses tragedy to bring us to our knees, not to punish us, but to love us... Your wound will become your gift in time. Lily will always be your inspiration in your Earthly life." She is my gift and inspiration indeed! But I sure do miss her like crazy.

Today, March 27th, was the day I left a piece of my heart in the ground in Virginia. I was just barely out of my teens when I buried my baby.

"Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh,
And life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life"
-The Band Perry

This is something I wrote to Lily when I shared on my blog in 2010 about her Celebration of Life Services: "You have changed me forever, sweet girl. Know that I will never, ever forget you. I will always miss you. Always love you. There will always be a hole in my heart because you aren't here with me. But, I know you're with Jesus, and that brings me great joy! Every one I meet will always know about you. How you changed me. How you changed my life. Your siblings will always know how they have a big sister named Lily. No matter how old I get, I will cherish your life and the memories I have of you. You will forever be a part of me, no matter where I go. No matter what happens next, you'll always be my little girl. Always." These words make me choke up because 5 years later, I still feel them just as deeply, if not more so.

Here are some other posts about the month of March that I've written in years past that you might be interested in reading:

Spring is Coming...

One Last Kiss...For Now

Taking Her Home

In Honor of You (Lily's Celebration of LIFE Service)

Days Nobody Remembers

The Master's Fingerprint (the Day of Lily's Burial)