On Purity and Abstinence

Something that has been weighing heavily on my heart to write about is the topic of purity and abstinence. I have hesitated in writing about this topic for two reasons: one, it’s an uncomfortable message and two, I am not exactly the most “qualified” person to be talking about it.

Almost a decade ago, I gave away something I can never get back – my virginity. I was only 15, still just a girl in so many ways. To be honest, I am not even entirely sure how it happened. You see, I had planned on remaining a virgin until marriage. But, somehow along the way, the world seduced me. I believed the lies that sex is not that big of a deal and everybody’s doing it. I wanted to feel beautiful and desirable and to be loved. As the song goes, I was “looking for love in all the wrong places.” There are many things that led to the loss of my virginity. Only recently have I been revisiting those years and God has been revealing hidden hurts and reasons as to how and why it happened as it did. I may share more about this later, but as of right now, I am still processing.

A point I want to make is that I was a “good Christian girl” who wanted to remain a virgin until marriage. Sexual temptation can happen to anybody; any living, breathing human, even Christian teens in youth groups and young adults at Christian colleges. Don’t be so prideful as to think it could never happen to you or your child. That is why it is so important to talk about and understand the reasons for abstinence and purity.

Modern culture glorifies premarital sex. It is seen as something that “normal” young people do. In fact, if you don't have sex before a certain age deemed appropriate by society, you are scoffed at and ridiculed. 

As media portrays sex outside of marriage as something desirable…

You aren’t told how you will be haunted, tormented, and anguished by your sinful choices.

You aren’t told that in your temporary pleasure, you will gain lasting heartache.

You aren’t told how you will battle with the agony of guilt and regret, and the bitterness of shame.

You aren’t told how these choices won’t just affect you in the moment, but for many, many years to come.

You aren’t told how wounded, used, and worthless you will feel.

You aren’t told how the memories won’t fade and the faces and experiences won’t be forgotten, even though you want them to be.

When you do marry the love of your life one day in the future, you aren’t told how the past will still be a part of you.

You aren’t told about the dread that’ll sweep over your heart when thinking about one day sharing with your spouse with a tear-stained, puffy face the mistakes you made and how you didn’t honor and love them all the days of your life.

You aren’t told how you’ll feel like tattered rags, tainted, like you’ve “gone too far,” and that you’re undeserving of a spouse who loves Jesus.

You aren’t told about the possibility of unplanned pregnancy, abortion, and all the pain and heartache that comes with that.

You aren’t told about the possibility of STD’s and how horrible they are (I am thankful God protected me from this possible consequence of promiscuity). 

You aren’t told how your body, your heart, your soul, are all making promises to someone who you were never meant to be tied to, whether or not you intend to keep those promises.

You aren’t told about the confusion that will invade your heart and mind.

You aren’t told how you are sinning against your own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).

What you are told is that sex outside of marriage is a liberating and fulfilling experience.

I am here to say that something the world says brings pleasure and satisfaction in actuality brings heartache and regret, when not in God’s proper context of a covenant marriage. Yes, sex outside of marriage can be pleasurable and fun. But the pleasure is fleeting when it is not how God intended it to be.

With all my heart, I wish I could go back and do some things in my life differently. I wish I knew what I know now without knowing the heartache of it all. I wish I could think about wearing a white dress on my wedding day without feeling like a fraud.

I know that God is working even in the midst of my sorrow and regret. I know that He works all things together for His glory and for the good of those who love Him. He will bring beauty from the ashes of my sinful choices in the area of purity and abstinence, just as He has brought beauty from the ashes of my abortion and unplanned pregnancies, as well as the loss of my little Lily.

Out of the greatest sin and sorrow, He can birth the deepest passion and purpose. I believe I can speak about purity and abstinence in a way that I never could have had I not made the choices that I did. I can speak about it in a way that those who have always lived in purity and remained abstinent until marriage cannot. I can speak about from my own experience what comes when you don’t live a life glorifying to the Lord. I can also speak about His amazing ability to restore and redeem in this area.

I may not be the most “qualified” to speak about abstinence and purity, but God has a way of choosing the weak ones, the least likely among us. He says I’m qualified. He says I am washed white as snow. He says I am cleansed of my sins and redeemed. He has given me a new heart, with new desires. He says I am pure, I am whole. He says I will wear a white dress on my wedding day with grace and dignity, unspeakably and undeservedly grateful for what He purchased for me on the Cross at Calvary.

As I continue to walk through the healing and restoration process, I believe the doors will open for me, as unqualified as I might seem, to share about the beauty and importance of purity. And how He delights to redeem us, our merciful and loving Jesus. He can bring renewed purity. My Lily is a symbol to me of my renewed purity in Christ. Her name means "innocence and purity."

I want to share the truth with my generation, that living a life of abstinence and purity is beautiful and God-honoring. It also honors future spouses, and keeps hearts from years of heartache and regret.

Many young people who hear about purity and abstinence may think if they have already fallen into sexual sin, that it is “too late” for them. That there is no point in being pure because they’ve already given themselves away. That is a lie! When we repent and turn from our sins, the Lord is faithful to forgive and wash us white as snow.

As Corrie ten Boom said, “there is no pit so deep that God’s love is not deeper still.”

Thank You, Jesus, for turning one of my biggest heartaches and regrets into one of my greatest passions, sharing Your truth and bringing glory to Your Name.

Tweet