Doesn't Make Sense

I hope that I don't offend anyone with the honesty I portray on my blog. I try to be as open as I can to give a glimpse into my mother heart of love for my daughter. I try to be vulnerable so people can understand what it's like to lose a baby and to help others who have been through something similar to not feel so alone. I am sure there are feelings I express that don't make sense to other people. In fact, I know this is true.

Just today, I was saying something about Lily and something regarding my feelings to my sister. When I said what I did, my sister looked at my strangely and asked, "Why? You can't be like that." I said a couple brief things, but decided not to push it any further because I didn't want to get into an argument where I feel like I am defending my feelings. I feel very vulnerable regarding anything to do with Lily.

Here's what I want people to know... My feelings might not make sense to you. Trust me, I understand that. Sometimes they don't even make sense to me. I don't know why certain things make me feel like they do. It doesn't make sense to me in human terms why babies die before drawing their first breath. It will never make sense. So maybe, just maybe, feelings associated with a loss that doesn't make sense, also won't make sense.