Generations Missing Her

Earlier this month, when I was in Virginia visiting with friends and family, I met the granddaughter of some dear family friends (my mom has known them for decades).

Anyways, the little girl is 19 months old. She was walking all over the place and is so adorable. Her first name is Catherine, but she goes by a different nickname. Her grandfather kept calling her Catherine though, which really stung to hear. I thought it was really sweet when he said to his granddaughter, "Hannah Rose has a little girl named Lily Katherine."

My grandmother later asked if I felt sad being around her and I said yes, I think it will always hurt to be around little girls, wondering who my little girl would've become (despite how many more children I may have in the future). It is especially hard to see little girls who look similar to how I imagine Lily would've looked, with blue eyes and curly hair, like me as a girl. This little one has brown eyes.

Anyways, I thought it was really sweet and thoughtful of my grandmother when she thought of me and wondered if it was hard for me and she said it's hard for her to hear the name Catherine too (of course we are so happy for our friends, but sad for us). My grandmother said she felt sad for me because my little girl wasn't there, sad for my mom because her granddaughter wasn't there and she was around her friend's granddaughter, and sad for herself, missing her great-granddaughter. It meant a lot to me to know she was thinking all these things. I am thankful for my family who loves Lily so much. I wish I didn't have to feel this ache whenever I hear Lily Katherine's name or see a little girl.

There are generations missing you, my little flower.