"Expecting a child" and "going to be a mother"

I read this quote by Father Frank Pavone on Facebook yesterday and wanted to share it here. It is something that I think about whenever I hear these words spoken...

"When someone is pregnant, she is not expecting a child, she already has one. She is not going to be a mother, she already is a mother... If we are going to change the way society treats unborn children, we have to change the way we talk about them." -Father Frank Pavone

Every time I hear people say things like this (either about themselves or others), I cringe a little. When society uses such terms, women think they can decide whether or not they want to be a mother while their child is still in the womb. The truth is, once her child is conceived, she already is a mother and she can never not be a mother again.

If the "magic moment" when someone goes from "expecting a child" to "having a child" and being a "soon to be a mom" to "an actual mom" is a child's birth, what about the women who experience pregnancy and infant loss? Does that moment when a child's heart stop beating mean, "oh well, you're not a mother this time... better luck next time?" You see, such terms hurt these women. If a precious child passes away before birth, as my Lily did, are women like me not considered mothers? That's absurd, of course we're mothers! We carried our children, felt them kick, gave birth to them, planned funerals and designed headstones.

I know people don't mean any harm in saying things like this, but it's just not true. Lily was very much alive within me. She never lived outside of me, but that doesn't mean she never lived at all. It is so annoying and hurtful when people think that.

So, please, for the sake of everyone, don't use such terms. Let's treat the unborn with the honor and dignity they deserve. They are precious, valuable, individual human beings, who could never be replaced. And let's treat mothers of unborn children as the mothers they are, not as potential or future mothers. When we view the unborn the way God sees them, more women will choose LIFE. And more people will be empathetic towards the grief of one whose lost a baby.

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