Capture Your Grief-Day 3

CAPTURE YOUR GRIEF 2012 Photography Project 

for October-Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Day 3: After Loss Self-Portrait

October 3, 2012 ♥

Day 3. After Loss Self Portrait: Share a photo of you after your loss. Same as yesterday - if you would prefer to you can share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done!

This photo was taken on a beautiful spring day-March 27th, 2010, the day of my Lily Katherine's service and burial. Under the open, clear, blue sky and surrounded by the majestic Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia, family and friends gathered around sweet Lily to celebrate her precious LIFE! She was buried with her casket in her Moses basket, which was the first thing my mom and I got for her. I wore a black dress with a white wrap, to represent the sorrow dancing with joy. Though I am deeply saddened by Lily's death, I am rejoicing that I was given the gift of her and that I will be with her again for all eternity in the presence of the Lord. Her casket had roses and lilies on it, representing Hannah ROSE and LILY Katherine.

I think this photo speaks a thousand words of heartbreak and loss...a young 20-year-old mother sitting next to her daughter's casket on the day of her burial. While most young women my age hadn't even considered having children yet, I had lost one. In a span of a couple weeks, I felt like I aged a decade. 

At first, I thought of blurring out the background, but realized that the people standing in the background symbolize something for me...despite how many people were supporting me, I still felt so alone as a mother who had to give her child back to Jesus before even meeting her. 

In the midst of my loneliness and sorrow, Jesus never once left my side. He gave me great hope, strength, and peace that passes all understanding. 

Corrie ten Boom had a conversation with her father as a young girl when fear had come into her heart as she thought of the possibility of him dying and she thought she couldn't live without him. Her father, Casper, then asks her, "Corrie, when we go to Amsterdam, when do I give you your train ticket?" "Why, just before we get on the train," she answered. "Exactly. And our wise Heavenly father knows when we're going to need things too. Don't run out ahead of Him, Corrie. He will give you the strength you need, just in time."

So many people have said to me they don't know how I've gotten through this and that they never could. It was never me, but my Jesus and I pray my story points all hearts to Him. I pray people will see that He gives us what we need the moment we need it, not a second before or too late. His "train ticket" of grace is there for us to face things we could never imagine facing before. It doesn't make things easy or take away the pain, but somehow it is sufficient to bear what would otherwise crush us. God's strength is there for us when we need it and is not overcome by our circumstances. 

Because of Lily, I have learned some of the greatest life lessons. I am to depend upon and rely on the Lord's strength, trusting fully that He is sufficient for me...Both in the beginning of my grief journey and all through my life of living without my girl...

-To see all of my photos from the photography project, click here.

-To share your own photos on the event page and to see the lovely photos others are sharing, click here.