Adventures Never to Be Had

I love this little boy...

This little boy born three months before my girl. I find such joy being around him. What a handsome little fellow he is. He is the spittin' image of his dad. His dad, my cousin Daniel, born four months after me. We grew up best buds and how I dreamed our little boy and girl would do the same.

Spending time with him is bittersweet. I want to know this precious boy and see him grow up, yet being around him reminds me of everything I'm missing...how I don't get to see my own child grow up.

I see how good my cousin is with him. Such a good father to his son. And let me tell you, this little boy is enamored with his daddy. Melts.my.heart to see them interact.

Oh, how I've changed since last summer when I first met him. When he was still a tiny baby and my heart hurt immensely knowing my baby wasn't there, my baby wasn't being talked about and cuddled. Like she was forgotten. He, too, has changed so much since then. He's running around, talking some, getting into all sorts of mischief, finding all sorts of adventures!

And this thought keeps playing through my mind: How I wish Lily and Owen could be having adventures together! How I'd so enjoy taking pictures of them playing together, hugging, smiling, enjoying each other's company. And maybe, years from now, they'd look back at those pictures, giggling at how cute they were when they were so little...their bond having been strengthened after all those years growing up together, side by side. Maybe they'd get so silly and rambunctious that Daniel and I would get flustered when trying to get them to settle down. But, we'd realize it was a taste of our own medicine because of our own childhood silliness and what we put our parents through. All I can do is imagine how these things may have been because I'll never see any of that. Oh, how I can't stand the thought! I reminisce over childhood memories with Daniel, all the fun times and awesome adventures. And I think of what my life might have missed had he not been a part of it...What will Owen miss without Lily?

Daniel and I as little kiddos...how I wish O and L were taking photos like this...

I pray Owen will know about Lily girl one day...the best buddy he never gets to meet on earth. Maybe one day, when he gets old enough, I'll tell him about his cousin. I'll tell him all about the adventures that should have been had, the laughs that should have been shared, the joy that a sweet little girl would have brought to his life, had she lived. And maybe he'll know her through me and she will live in his heart and bring him joy still...

Owen telling his cousin Happy 1st Birthday on her special day