Beautiful Video

My blogger friend, Annette, made this beautiful video in honor of her daughter, Valentina, who was stillborn last year today. Annette is a professional violinist, so she is actually the one singing and playing her violin in the video! Lily is a part of it. Happy 1st Heavenly Birthday, Valentina Grace! Be sure to pause the music on my blog at the bottom of the page!

Blog Giveaway Winner!

I wrote all the names down and put them in a bowl, closed my eyes, and picked a name. And the winner of Mary Beth Chapman's book "Choosing to SEE" is...

DESIREE from JOURNEY TO MOTHERHOOD!!

I will mail it to you soon...love you, girl. Hopefully this will give you something productive and fun to do while your home waiting for those three babies to arrive! To everyone else, thanks for entering! There will be another blog giveaway soon, so stay tuned! :-)

First Ever Blog Giveaway!!

I have always liked the idea of hosting a blog giveaway and have just never gotten around to doing it. So, I actually have a couple giveaways lined up that I'm pretty excited about. This first giveaway is in honor of Lily's birthday...a little late, I know. But, I thought doing it on the 16th of this month was appropriate for her. :)


The prize is....the book Choosing to SEE, by Mary Beth Chapman. Reading this book blessed me so much and I found it very encouraging in working through my loss. My aunt gave me Steven Curtis Chapman's Beauty Will Rise cd last year and it is filled with songs that show both the sorrow, the hope, and the joy that come in losing a child, when we choose to SEE. I hope to give that cd away sometime soon because it has meant so much to me.

"Covering her courtship and marriage to Steven Curtis Chapman, struggles for emotional balance, and living with grief, Mary Beth's story is our story--wondering where God is when the worst happens. In Choosing to SEE, she shows how she wrestles with God even as she has allowed him to write her story--both during times of happiness and those of tragedy. Readers will hear firsthand about the loss of her daughter, the struggle to heal, and the unexpected path God has placed her on. Even as difficult as life can be, Mary Beth Chapman Chooses to SEE."

Because the book is about the loss of a child, this giveaway is for anyone who has lost a baby and you must live in the United States.

How to enter:


1. Follow this blog.
2. Post about the giveaway on your blog.
3. Leave a comment sharing the book that has helped you the most on this grief journey.


This giveaway will remain open until next Saturday, April 23. I will announce the randomly picked winner the following day. If you already own this book, please do not enter the giveaway. Thanks. :)

My girl, changing the world

I stumbled upon this quote and once again, I am amazed at the promise of Lily's legacy and how the Lord is going to use her life...and how He's already used her life. I'm honored to have been chosen to be her mother. Some of the ripple effects of her life I'll see on this earth, and some I will have to wait until Heaven...what a glorious day that will be...

"The amount of time on Earth matters very little: a man can live in greed and pride 90 years and never find God, know Him or accomplish His Plan. A stillborn baby on the other hand, teaches people to love, brings people to the Lord, teaches us the tenuous nature of life and teaches us a faith that those who have not suffered loss can never know. A child who has never taken a breath can have an impact greater than a famous preacher. The purpose of a life is not ours to decide nor in our hands: it is brought about by God." -Author Unknown

Bleeding Heart

The Bleeding Heart (an appropriate name) that some family friends gave me last March and is now planted in our garden is now blooming!

40 Days For Life

I had the privilege of meeting Shawn Carney, the Co-Founder of 40 Days for Life and host of the television series "beingHUMAN." Some might know him as the director of the Coalition for Life in Texas where former Planned Parenthood director, Abby Johnson, went after having a change of heart from seeing an ultrasound-guided abortion. He was in Chapel Hill yesterday for a peaceful prayer vigil in front of the Planned Parenthood there. I was able to share my story with him and was so blessed by our conversation. When my mom mentioned that we should have brought the book "unPLANNED" for him to sign, he offered to mail us a signed copy! He's a very down-to-earth, kind person and very inspirational to talk with. If you haven't read unPLANNED, go get it right now!

40 Days for Life

unPLANNED

beingHUMAN

Missing Her More as the Days Pass

I had no idea it would be this difficult a year out. I had no idea I could keep missing her so much. It feels like I only miss her more as the days pass.

2010 will always be the "year of Lily." So many people I know had their babies close to when I had Lily and I can't help but wonder what this grief will turn into in the coming months and years. When I have to watch these other babies grow into toddlers, and then kids running and playing tag, and then pre-teens and teenagers getting their drivers licenses. And I will never get to see her go through these things.


In my heart, in my mind, she will always be my baby.

Sixteen years from now, when these babies her age are turning into young adults, I will still ache to hold my baby in my arms.

And I wonder why didn't she get the chance to live? Why was the joy of life taken from her? And from me...

I wish I could go back to that moment and hold her again and breathe her in, memorize everything.