This Time

I've heard it plenty of times.
Each time, I grin from ear to ear.
Each time, my heart swells within me.
"Lily looks just like her mommy."
I thought so too.
Thank you.
You never got to see her legs, the same shape as mine.
Her nails, a miniature version of mine.
Her lips matched mine as a babe.
Her nose, an exact replica.
Someone said it again last night.
This time, the tears came.
This time, I wonder if she would still look like me, all these months later.
This time, I picture her lifeless body underground.
Still.
Quiet.
Forever.
This time I wonder if her eyes would look like mine.
This time I wonder if her hair would be curly, wild, blonde as mine was as a child.
Would she be short and stocky like I was?
Would she play with American Girl dolls?
Would she this?
Would she that?
If this.
If that.
I cried, thinking of all these possibilities and a life that I'll never know past 40 weeks, 2 days.
40 weeks.
2 days.
That's all I'll ever know.

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