Memory Lane

As I mentioned in my last post, I started working on my scrapbook. This is proving to be very emotional for me. Ouch, it hurts my heart to see these pictures. To remember how quickly her body began to deteriorate after she was born. I don't like seeing her dark lips. Her feet began peeling. The smell of death. I will never be able to forget that smell. Mom says she smells it sometimes randomly. Why must that be burned into my mind? This whole scrapbooking thing is tough. But, it must be done. Her story must be told. I must have a concrete memorial for Lily. So her brothers and sisters can know her. So her nieces and nephews can know her. So future generations can get to know the little girl who changed my world. And I must do it while it's fresh. I must do it so I don't forget anything. I've been sorting through pictures and I came across this one. It was taken on March 13, the day before Lily's due date. Three days before Lily was born. That's my friend Candy. The photo was taken at her baby shower. I was full of joy, excitement, anticipation. I was so proud for everyone to see my enormous belly. I was huge, wasn't I? By this point, I had major sciatica pain. By this point, Lily was already gone. I was blissfully unaware that I was carrying my dead baby. It was the last picture taken of me while I was pregnant with her.

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