Scripting my future

picture from 'a Holy Experience.'

(I wrote this in my journal yesterday and just thought I'd share it...)

I can't help but wonder what these blank pages that lay before me are going to be filled with. Like these blank pages, my future is unsure. Clean. Spotless...Just waiting to be scripted by the steady hand of my faithful God...the author of all things lovely and pure. These pages, though blank, are full of promise, the hope He gives me. They hold the dreams He has for my life.

Several of the crisp, white pages have already been filled in with blue and black ink. There's a story there. A story of love, forgiveness, redemption, sorrow, pain. My mind would tell me to question, to doubt. But, my soul, the part of me that's Him, is sure. The uncertainty that was felt in the midst of it all is evident. As I read each word, the confusion fades away. His faithfulness is evident, true. I have certainty that my God is enough. That He never leaves me, He wants what's best for me. The ups and downs, the challenges and the victories all serve the same purpose. They build my faith. They make me love Him more.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." ~Ralph Waldo Emmerson

I see the mistakes. The failures. The ways that I betrayed my King. The ways I hurt those I love. Ways I've been hurt. But, He whispers to me Let it go. Let me restore. He wants to make beauty from ashes. To work all things together for good.

"Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going." ~Anonymous

However, some scars should dictate where we're going. Losing my Lily has left a permanent scar on my heart, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't want to move on like she never was. Because she was real. And she changed me. Because of her life, light was brought out of darkness. Because of her life, my whole future has changed.

The vision is there. The future is there. All that's left is for Him to unfold it, to script it. These pages will be filled with pain, tears, joy, life, promises, prayers answered, marriage, children. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I know that He holds it in the palm of His hands. The one thing that is predictable, is promised...is His love, His kindness, His faithfulness. He will never leave me. Of this I'm sure.