Because of her I want to live my life this way...with the intent of knowing my Jesus more each day. Knowing His heart better, and in turn knowing her better. Because she's with Him. I want to enjoy life, savor every experience, every memory, love deeply, laugh lots, and be a woman after God's own heart. I want to wake up each day more like my Lord than the day before. I want to have other children and raise them the way I would have loved to raise Lily. I want to show my husband and my children the love of Christ, His very essence, in the way I pour out my life for them. This is how I want to live. To make her proud...to make my God smile.
Because of her I now think of Heaven constantly. I daydream about what it must be like. How utterly perfect it is. Spending days in the sunshine with my Lily, with my Jesus...that's where I long to be. I haven't a longing for anything else. The spiritual realm is so much more real than the physical realm.
The reason I think of Heaven so much is because I need to know where she is...that she isn't really gone, like some might think. I need to know I'll see her again. That's my only hope..the only thing that gets me through today. The promise of eternity with her. No tears, no pain, no suffering...only laughter, beauty, and gathering around the throne of the most high King...There will be no more goodbyes, little Lily...no more goodbyes.
I try to imagine what Heaven's like, even though I know it's much lovelier than in my best imaginings. Will she still be little when I get there? Will I get to raise her? Hold her as a baby? See her grow up? I hope so...but I also know however it is, there will be no desire in me for anything different.
My heart, my soul longs for eternity...more than ever. Through my suffering, through this tremendous loss, my faithful Jesus has given me hope, joy, peace like I never knew possible. He fills my soul with the assurance that one day, I will see her again...and on that day, I will get to meet Him!
She has given me the desire to live life romantically, every day! To make the most of every situation, every thing God has planned for me. Because this life is but a passing flicker, and then I will never have to kiss her beautiful face farewell!
Its absolutely astounding how much a life that never took a breath can change the lives of soo many. God truly has a purpose for every life! You WILL see your sweet angel again someday, but this time she will be bearing the wings God.
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